When I hear myself think

I took Julia to the airport this morning. We left the house at 4:45 am, so it was still early as I was on my way home. Driving by myself gives me time to think about a lot of things. I realized that I kind of miss driving as it was such a part of my everyday for so long when I commuted to work in Fairbury and even before that, as the first year we were married, I drove from Lincoln to Omaha to school. I have a lot going on in my mind, I just don't have the chance to hear it much because of all the other "noise" in my everyday. Being at the airport, I realized that I really love to travel. Just being in the airport was exhilirating. I don't even know if I spelled that word right!!! It's not like I'm "well-traveled" or anything, it is just an adventure. I like airports, airplanes, hotels...all of it. Note to self: remember to document my thoughts on travel after I've navigated an airport with two kids next week and see if my thoughts are on this same page!

Driving home then, I also thought about my desire to show my kids things, to teach them more than just how to clean the house. I want to take them places, stay in hotels, go camping, drive somewhere, fly somewhere, take the train somewhere...ok, maybe not the train, or maybe. I want to provide them with adventure. I want to take the time. Yep. That's where my thoughts shifted to reality! It was quiet, dark, peaceful, beautiful while I was driving. My thoughts were happy and exciting. In all of my ideas, I was calm and the environment was calm. No one was complaining, fighting, whining. No one was needy. No one was asking annoying questions. Apparently in my fantasy world, money was not an object, and neither was time! Summer vacation is only 2 1/2 months long. How will we possibly find the time to go camping, to Scottsbluff, stay in a hotel, play baseball, play outside, go for bike rides, build a chicken coop, learn new things, visit new places? I can't even find time to have a cup of coffee in the morning! I sometimes think that I just make a pot every morning to smell it, because by the time I pour myself a cup, it is cold! The world was ideal and perfect. I even thought, "I could really get up everyday at 5:00 and just enjoy the quiet, spend time with God, collect my thoughts". At that point, I remembered why I don't. I was hurrying home to beat the awakening of children so I could have a quiet minute at home. When I arrived home at 6:50, the garage light was on. I snuck in, shut the light off and was greeted at the door by a stark naked 3 year old. So much for a few more minutes by myself. I really wanted to get these thoughts out of my head, so he joined me at my computer--naked. He finally went and got a pillow and blanket and retreated to the floor beside me, waiting patiently.
Now...it is Easter, and my heart is joyful, and even though my ideas of what I'd like to do may not be completely realistic, it is realistic to try to find time. To everyday pray for patience, to have the desire to be a better mom, to spend time with my kids, to teach them great things, to lay a foundation that will always be there. A foundation that is solid and in the Lord. That I can work on everyday (I just need to remind myself of that). With that said, I didn't get all my thoughts out of my head...I'm not sure that I can remember all of them anyway, and I have a naked toddler all to myself for at least another 15 minutes before I must start dragging everyone else out of bed, so I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity to teach...even if it is just holding him. Maybe we'll read a book about airplanes...that may be less stressful than actually taking him on one for now. :)

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