Graced with God's Bounty

I'll write more about that title later.  I'll write more about everything later.  We have moved from one stage of waiting...waiting to know if our baby was growing and thriving or if she was called home before we could meet her to waiting for the next stage.  I wish the results of the ultrasound on Wednesday morning were in the favor of a continued pregnancy to result in the birth of another child in the late spring.


We were heartbroken to watch the sonographer measure a shadow where last week there was a "peanut" and see the strip across the bottom of the screen lack steady little blips...lack any blips at all to indicate a beating heart.  Such a very different experience from the standard routine ultrasound where sometimes it's hard to see baby because she's not cooperating.  This day it was hard to see baby because it was just hard to find her...we only knew where she was supposed to be.  The baby measured a day smaller than the previous week.  My blood hormone levels came crashing down.  All these things pointing to what we feared...an early loss of this pregnancy...of this baby.  We find a huge amount of comfort knowing that we already have a success--we have a child waiting for us in Heaven.  One to pray for us...our silent child. 

I've been told that I should expect to experience the normal stages of grief even though this baby was so tiny and young.  We plan to name her...to have a prayer/memorial at church for her, remember her as if she had been with us longer than ten short weeks.  We wait now for the actual miscarriage to happen.  I'm glad at this point that we shared this pregnancy early...it would have been hard to go through this quietly, secretly.  I know many women who have.  I'm so grateful to have the prayers, encouragement and support of friends and family who won't hesitate to comfort us. 

I have much in my head that I really want to express, I just don't feel up to doing it right now.  Most of it, as always is very much to remember and pass on.

Comments

Annie said…
I am so sorry Janel. I've never had a miscarriage, though always wondered at those women who have had many. There is such beauty and hope in the thought of getting to meet a little one in Heaven someday after all our other children have grown up. I pray that God fills you with peace and joy.
Kristi said…
Praying for you janel. You are a very courageous woman, thank you for your beautiful example of openness to life....whether that life lasts only six weeks, ten years or sixty years long.
Kristi said…
Praying for you and tim. You are a very courageous woman janel. Thank you for your beautiful example of openness to life, whether that life lasts six weeks, two tears or sixty years long.
Gina said…
Reading your story touched me deeply as I just went through the same thing...Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers this week.

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