What is up your nose?

Today I took the kids to school because Tim is out of town. I needed to go to Target so with a light load of just three, I took advantage and stopped on my way home at 8:15. TArget is usually a place that the kids like to go, especiallywhen we have time to piddle which we did this morning. Piddle time means that we can stay in the toy aisle for a while. This morning, we started out browsing near the sunglasses. Benjamin acquired a pair because his eyes have been really sensative lately and I thought this might pacify him through much of the rest of our visit. We then headed for the baseball equipment. Three boys playing ball, bigger than last year, and being boys which means that no pants make it through anything without a hole or three, means new pants, socks, gloves, etc are needed. Of course Joshua wants batting gloves which I think are unnecessary, and Jakob wants (actually is encouraged to get) a "nut cup", which of course I know nothing about, so these things will be defered to Tim! While in the baseball aisle, everyone in the store could hear the clanking of the aluminum bats to the floor. Why? Because Benjamin and Mattie were having batting practice, and the first part of a swing is tapping the bat to the ground! When I finally convinced them that this would only get us in trouble, they proceeded to the next aisle over which had little tricycles in it. Both of them were riding up and down the aisles...Benjamin with a batting helmet still on. I helped Mattie get her trike back on the shelf, but Ben was nowhere to be seen. I figured that in 30 seconds, he likely was only in the next aisle, so we went to find him without any luck. Pretty soon, just before panic set in, I hear, "Mommy!" I turned around to find Benjamin peddling down the big center aisle clear over by the women's clothing. He had gone for quite a ride. Helmet still on, he was cruising down the aisle past several Target employees who were probably thinking, "come on, the shopping carts do have straps in them!!!". We finally pulled ourselves away from the sporting goods and toys, and started making our way to the gardening section, because I forgot to buy cantaloupe seeds. Now, Joe was in the cart which is why Ben was walking. Pretty soon, while I am pushing the cart, Ben goes zooming by me on some little car toy! Yes, helmet still in place...at least he has safety first! When we successfully got that put back, we found our seeds, replaced all of the shovels and garden carts littering the aisle, and made our way to the front of the store. We had to of course stop to listen to samples from multiple CDs and check out the snack ailse too. I could see the big doors and knew the end to this adventure was almost over...we were close! We checked out and proceeded to the door, only to have a woman who was frantically lecturing her 5 year old son on how important it was to stay with her and not wander off, point to us and say "Do you want some woman like that to just take you home with her? Anyone can take you and you'd be gone!" Well, I knew what she was trying to do, but the entire store was tuned in because she was not quiet about it! She was missing some teeth, and looked like she had just finished a cigarette before entering the store, and my first thought was, "my, how embarassing to draw so much attention to oneself", and of course I thought this all the while visualizing the beat up station wagon she pulled up in, and the trailer that she lived in that obviously didn't have working plumbing. I didn't quite know what to think when she referenced me as a crazy woman who may take kids from stores to never see their parents again...then I looked at myself and my own kids! Mattie with her stringy hair flying around, Ben with green snot running down his upper lip and wearing shoe that had no laces in them and Joe who was trying to climb out of the cart screaming because he had enough of this shopping trip...then there was me...jeans and tennis shoes, black sweatshirt with shiny evidence that the sleeves had indeed been used to wipe someones snotty nose a couple of times, my hair pulled up in a pony and no makeup to hide my tired eyes. I probably did look like someone who takes kids back to my beat up pinto to drive back to my shack!

Well, that was over. We returned home, just in time to get a call back from the doctor's office regarding Joe and Ben and wanting to schedule an appointment to see them in a half hour, so we jumped back in the suburban and headed for Lincoln again. At the doctor's office we waited for about 20 minutes or so which was long enough for the "goodness" to wear off. I hadn't given the kids sugar this morning, but there was no indication of that in their behavior. Fortuneately, our doctor has six kids of his own that are the same ages, so he wasn't terribly traumatized by this circus. He is so great to the kids, and always calls them by name. They're very comforatable with him, and I'm glad, because we've been missing our physician of nine years terribly since he moved, and it's nice to have someone who we're comfortable around. Mattie had an artillery of questions for him and he obliged many of them, and then she asked it..."Mommy, why does he have hair coming out of his nose?" How do you even answer that??? I was able to mutter, "I'm not sure" as the redness rose up from my feet to the top of my head. Dr. Wurtz simply replied, "because I'm a gorilla." Yeah! I bet he loves us now!!! She then proceeded to tell him how much she's growing and that her panties are getting to small because they're getting stuck in her crack! I am so glad he has kids!!! And just one girl too, so I'm sure this is everyday normal to him...I HOPE!!

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